Don’t Overthink It: Make Easier Decisions, Stop Second-Guessing, and Bring More Joy to Your Life by Anne Bogel
My rating: 4 of 5 stars
“Far more than you may realize, your experience, your world, and even your self are the creations of what you focus on.”
Don’t Overthink It is a book about your thoughts and thought patterns. It is about your mind running wild and ways to rein it in. It provides real world examples of different situations that really illustrate each concept in turn. It addresses many aspects of overthinking followed by things that you can do in your daily life that could counteract and address them. Anne Bogel details out techniques that worked for her or others that she has talked to. She points out all the negative consequences that take a toll on not just our mental health but all aspects of our lives. It provides help with decision-making. “Decisions made out of fear are not good decisions.” This book really tries to hit home that it is not one singular, drastic change but a series of small, incremental, and intentional changes that you implement daily that will get you to where you want to be. It is all about belief and self-talk.
This book really resonated with me. I have a strong connection with overthinking and it has been pointed out by almost everyone that knows me. It is a bad habit that I am actively working on and Anne Bogel did an excellent job in communicating the exact things that I struggle with. It is not just big decisions like where to live that are difficult but even small ones like which pop to get at a fountain machine or to work out inside vs outside. Analysis Paralysis is where my brain really lit up and where I paid extremely good attention to. I loved how she explained why it occurs and why it is something that is attractive to do. I am definitely a perfectionist and I am very curious. These are two things that lend itself easily to paralysis in analyzing. I try and research all possible options to get the “best” one and make sure I don’t miss out on the “perfect” opportunity as I have this drive to spend my time well. However, I could benefit from the suggestion of limiting my choices and to not put so much pressure on the decision. We all experience decision fatigue. Limiting this is important. Move on and make that decision. We don’t have the time or headspace to wallow or wobble. One thing to remember, not deciding is deciding. Building patterns and habits can help with this as well. Another overthinking trap I fall into is rumination. Anne Bogel gives good ways to try and overcome this as well. It does not come across as judgmental at all but straightforward and matter of fact. I like the suggestion of try it and see. Give yourself permission to experiment, fail, and learn some valuable & helpful information. One thing that I identified with (and have known for a while but haven’t quite figured it out) is section on values. Having a solid idea of your values can help in the decision-making process. “Do I hold a value that can inform this decision?” I must address this gap. The book really focuses on how you talk to yourself and what you say. Anne really gives hope and support throughout. It may be “too hard right now” but it won’t stay that way. “You don’t have to be at the mercy of your negative thoughts” but you can control and harness them. There is a benediction at the end that I love. A couple words that were used that I liked were perseverate (even Word doesn’t recognize this and wants to change it) and quotidian. This is exactly the type of book that I need to learn from and implement in my life daily.
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Tag: thoughts
Friendship.
What does friendship mean? Is it talking every single day? Is it checking in and seeing how things are going? Is it buying things for each other? I have been struggling lately with this concept of friendship.
It feels that I am the one who is maintaining these relationships and it is getting tiring. It seems unfair. I am bitter, angry, and frustrated. Can I call people friends if they never initiate conversation or hanging out? Sometimes I feel unseen or forgotten. I feel forgettable. For example, this has actually happened before, I am at a mutual gathering of a bunch of people and someone says to me that they miss me. I just smiled and nodded knowing full well that nothing will come of that statement. Have they reached out to me since? Have they asked to hang out? Nope. What am I to make of that? Are they lying? Do they mean it in that moment but then poof I am forgotten the moment I leave? Are they just trying to be nice? On another occasion, on a group gaming session night, someone says that we should get together for a movie. Has that person reached out at all? Nope. I am just trying to understand.
I would like for people to be excited when they see me. I would like to a priority to someone. Even on my birthday I have to schedule around other people. No one sings or provides a cake. I feel unappreciated. This seems to be a common theme as well. Since I do not have kids or a spouse, I feel that my time and schedule is taken for granted. Things get moved around and I am expected to just comply. I can have plans even if they do not involve other people or going somewhere. My time is just as valuable.
My mind continuously gnaws at this (yes, I tend to overthink) and I do not know what to do. I think I am likeable enough. I don’t believe I am an asshole. I just do not get it.