Author: kgpeters

The Cost of Passion

Where do people get the money to pursue their passions?

I have come across numerous times where people are discussing the pursuit of their passion. Be it in talks, books, videos, or in person. One thought that always comes up in my mind is how can they afford to do that. Well, another thought is discovering passion in general, but I will leave that to another post. Where does the money come from?

It seems like a very select group has the privilege to be able to pursue their passion. Do they not have credit card bills or loans that they must pay. Do they not have a cell phone bill or insurance? Did they inherit a ton of money? Do they not have other obligations that suck the money out of their accounts? This has always baffled me. For example, in the book The Happiness of Pursuit, there are a bunch of stories where people are on “quests”. They are traveling to see every country or biking the whole of North/South America or trying to see as many bird species as they can. In the book they do not address the elephant in the room. How did these people afford to go on these “quests”? Did they save up for 20 years? Do they not have jobs to report to? Did they win the lottery? How do they pay the day-to-day costs? If anyone has an answer, please let me know.

I wish I had the luxury to just up and quit my life to pursue something I love like traveling or playing D&D. That would be the dream, but I would not be able to afford it. I have too many bills to take care of. Thousands of dollars a month right now is attacking my monthly income. I have student and personal loans. I have internet and a phone to pay for. I must pay for a place to live. I have credit cards. These are not cheap, and it will be a long time before I would be able to be flexible with my daily life. This is the new dream though, isn’t it? Financial freedom. Not owning a bunch of things but not being tied to a day-to-day job. That is the goal.

Getting Shit Together

How do people not have their shit together? Am I just an asshole who has no compassion for others? Do I just have my shit really together? What is going on?

Anyone else know people that seem to get sick every other week? I just do not get it. What are they doing that they are so susceptible to viruses and bacteria and diseases? Kids may contribute but I know tons of people who have kids that do not get sick as often. Plus, where do the kids get sick from if they are not in school? Is it what people eat? Are they not getting enough of a certain vitamin or nutrients? Is their immune system compromised because of what they choose to put in their bodies? Do they just have a lower threshold of what they can put up with while doing another activity? Maybe I am lucky and have a great immune system.

Anyone else get cancelled on at the last minute? What about because they just remembered an important date (that occurs every single year) just an hour before our planned activity was scheduled to occur? Have you heard of planners? Google Calendar? Outlook? How do you have such a hard time remembering what you have going on? Do you write things done? Nowadays there are numerous options to get help remembering things such as Alexa or phone reminders. You can even go old school and wear a band around your finger or wrist. Cancelling on people last minute is just plain rude and inconsiderate. Disrespectful. My time is just as valuable and you have left me with no time to plan something else with the late cancellation. Your time is not more valuable than mine.

How are people consistently late as well? Do they not have a phone? Smart watch? Clock? Are they incapable of estimating how long it takes to get somewhere? Can they not control their kids and wrangle them up? Or do they just not care? Do they think their time is much more valuable and so wasting other peoples time isn’t a big deal? This has baffled me for years. Leave with enough time to arrive safely at your destination. Being on time is late. Being late is late. Shoot to arrive a couple minutes early at least and bring a book! You can also squeeze in a couple minutes of reading (this also solves the issue when you “don’t have enough time to read/finish a book”). I understand that the occasional weird situation can be out of your control but if it happens every single time then something is up. It is you.

This was pretty ranty but it happens every single week in one way or another. I want to be like “what will it take for you to get your shit together?” How are you so scatterbrained? What do you need? Why do you continually assume that your time is more valuable and that my time doesn’t matter? It is extremely disrespectful. Just because I do not have kids or a spouse doesn’t mean that my life, time, or plans is any less important. Does it matter that it isn’t intentional? No. The outcome is still the same. Learn from your mistakes and become an adult. Do better.

Busy

Busy- what an overused word. People use it by default to describe any time where they didn’t prioritize something, or they forgot something, or they just plain didn’t want to do something. It is unbelievably frustrating hearing people say this but then knowing full well they were doing something else instead. For example, “Oh I did not have time to read the book.” Well Gertrude, yes you did have the time but you chose to do something else instead of read. You chose to go out for drinks after work. You went to your kid’s soccer practice. You watched TV.

Now I get it. Kids are a totally valid priority over reading, if that is what you value but do not say you were too busy because that is a cop out. Say “I prioritized my kids sports over reading so that is why I was not able to finish it.” “I want to go out for drinks with this friend I haven’t seen in 6 months.” I totally get it! It totally makes sense but take ownership of your decisions. Do not fall back on the Americanism of “I was too busy.” That is just lazy and insincere. Stand up proud and be enthused with your decision making. Be open and honest about what you value and what you want to spend your time on.

This is something that is pervasive in our culture. We think that being busy is a sign of success and worth. If you don’t have a second of the day you can claim as your own “you have made it.” If you ignore or ditch people you care about, because you were “busy” then that is the gold standard of the top rung of society. If only we were more comfortable in talking about our priorities and building our calendars around what we value. We might find that the truth will allow us to grow our relationships and truly understand what we want to be spending our time on.

Granted, I haven’t been busy in a while. I do not have a partner or kids or a house. I work from home in an apartment…alone. My priorities are different than other people I know. But I am still able to declare what my priorities are and what I time can be spend on. We all have 24 hours in a day and to be brutally candid, the only thing we absolutely must do in this life is die. Everything else is a choice. It might not seem like it but it is. There will be consequences but the options are still there. You can choose not to put your children in activities for multiple reasons and that might mean more money/time for other things, but it also might mean your child will miss out on making friends and building skills. Choices. Own them.

All I am saying is replace the word with busy with a multitude of other options. I prioritized. I chose. I decided. I did. Own your calendar and decisions. Be declarative of your time.

Search Inside Yourself

I was loaned this book by my counselor as I have been struggling with a mind on full speed constantly. I have thought of doing meditation for a long time but I haven’t had the discipline to stick with it or form habits. I think it would help me to calm my mind and not let it spiral out of control. My brain is constantly full of moving thoughts throughout the day and it is not helpful. I ruminate on negative thoughts about myself and others. I conjecture. I invent conversations. I ascribe meaning without knowing.

One thing that I have always struggled with when reading self-help books is that a lot forget to start at Step 0. They go right to “work towards your goals” and “find something dealing with your passion” but they never address the precursor. How does one figure out what they are passionate about or what their values are? That is something I have always found frustrating and this book somewhat addressed this concern. It didn’t speak to it head on but I think skirted around it. With the techniques discussed throughout the book I think one could start to learn to understand oneself.

This book helps explain the benefits of mediation as well communication, kindness, and empathy. Throughout the entire time I was reading I was thinking that I would love to be able to train my mind in all the topics covered. I think it would benefit me greatly and I would be less stressed, bitter, angry, and depressed. It will take some time and work but it will be beneficial. And not just for me but for everyone I interact with. My friends. My co-workers. Strangers.

Chade-Meng Tan wrote is such a way that was relatable, and I was engaged while reading. It threw in humor and real-life examples. It was a little overwhelming with all the things to work on but it provides something to work towards if one wants to improve themselves. It is a valiant and worthy goal for anyone to endeavor. It was based on a course within Google so it definitely has a corporate tint but the approach is from an individual level. It can apply equally as well to a person, family, team, or company. His goal is a noble one.

I have started with short mediation sessions the last few days and I hope to continue with it. I will pursue greater understanding and knowledge regarding these topics. I will get more comfortable with it and learn to calm my mind. I will learn not to let my emotions rule me and to give people the benefit of the doubt. I know I am starting late in life but I really hope to take what I have learned and apply it in my everyday life.

I read the loaned copy but I ended up buying my own. I think this will be a good book to have around to reference whenever you need a refresher but for me especially, to learn and stick with it. I highly recommend giving it a try and like it is said in the book, work towards world peace. As of now I am just trying to work towards my own happiness but it is a place to start.

Friendship.

What does friendship mean? Is it talking every single day? Is it checking in and seeing how things are going? Is it buying things for each other? I have been struggling lately with this concept of friendship.

It feels that I am the one who is maintaining these relationships and it is getting tiring. It seems unfair. I am bitter, angry, and frustrated. Can I call people friends if they never initiate conversation or hanging out? Sometimes I feel unseen or forgotten. I feel forgettable. For example, this has actually happened before, I am at a mutual gathering of a bunch of people and someone says to me that they miss me. I just smiled and nodded knowing full well that nothing will come of that statement. Have they reached out to me since? Have they asked to hang out? Nope. What am I to make of that? Are they lying? Do they mean it in that moment but then poof I am forgotten the moment I leave? Are they just trying to be nice? On another occasion, on a group gaming session night, someone says that we should get together for a movie. Has that person reached out at all? Nope. I am just trying to understand.

I would like for people to be excited when they see me. I would like to a priority to someone. Even on my birthday I have to schedule around other people. No one sings or provides a cake. I feel unappreciated. This seems to be a common theme as well. Since I do not have kids or a spouse, I feel that my time and schedule is taken for granted. Things get moved around and I am expected to just comply. I can have plans even if they do not involve other people or going somewhere. My time is just as valuable.

My mind continuously gnaws at this (yes, I tend to overthink) and I do not know what to do. I think I am likeable enough. I don’t believe I am an asshole. I just do not get it.